Friday, June 15, 2012

Another Father's Day without my dad is approaching.

In two days it will be Father's Day.
It will mark the second Father's day without my dad, and my heart aches thinking about it. If I think about it long enough, I always end up in tears.


I still wake up sometimes thinking my dad is off at work and will come home later, but that moment never comes.


I miss my dad with every fiber in me. And wish I could have just one more day with him. 
I wish I could just have another hug. 
Another round at the golf course. 
Another beer shared. 
Another song sung on karaoke.
Another lunch at In-n-out.
Another laugh.
Another morning having his gourmet fried rice (which none of us were ever able to master).

Another ride in the convertible together.
Another family vacation.

Another holiday together.
Another smile.
Another trip to home depot.

Another Father's day together.
Another memory made.



I often find myself in shock that he is no longer here. And I become angry. Angry that Cancer took him from us. Angry that there is no cure. Angry that I can't share another moment with him.


I always imagined myself one day walking with him down the aisle when I got married. And that day will never come. I will never get to wear that wedding dress with my arm intertwined in his, as he gives me away. My heart aches.


I cherish the days we spent together. But I miss the moments that we can no longer share.


I continue fighting for a cure for cancer on his behalf. And I will not stop until one is found. I will keep running. Keep raising awareness. Keep fundraising. Keep sharing his story. Keep the passion for a cure alive. Keep his memory alive. Keep staying as positive as possible. Keep the fight going.
I do this for my dad. I do this for all those we have lost. And for all those fighting. For the fathers, the mothers, the daughters, the sons, the grandmothers, the grandfathers, the uncles, the aunts, the sisters, the brothers, the nieces, the nephews, the friends, the family. I do it for them all. I do it for the memories to be had. I do it so that no one has to bury someone they love. I do it for a cure. I do it for more days spent together.

I miss you dad, with everything I have in me. I am grateful to have had such an amazing father. And I carry you with me always.